im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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