Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
