I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
