good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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