yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
