I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Randomize
