Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
