Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
