btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
