You really coming over, don't trick.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
