Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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