i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
