the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
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