sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
