Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Randomize
