Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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