Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
