He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
