It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
