i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
