I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
