My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
