when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
