Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
