i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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