Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i dont even know how to be here
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
