Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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