ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
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you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
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I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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