I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
