my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
