My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
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