Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this must be what syphilis tastes like
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
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