marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize