I can text with my tongue
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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