We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
