Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
