"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Is it because I queefed?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
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