I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
