im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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