GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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