Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
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i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
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Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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