At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
