Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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