I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
