fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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