i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
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