When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
