when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
