so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
