im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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