: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
