Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
