For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
