I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
