Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I am one with the molecules
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
