So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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