Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
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