sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
