Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
