he thought i was a dude.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Randomize