just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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