I wish you could order shots online.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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