I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
