That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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