I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
