I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
