Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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