you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
