I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
