Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
