Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
