I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
