does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize