So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize