guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
