would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
