You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
