I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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