What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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