i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize