i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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