There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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