the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
